Left too soon

It's taken me awhile to write about her. But Im hoping once I do, Ill get over it and stop feeling stuck. It's gonna probably be long and a little too detailed because I'm writing as much as I can remember for my daughters Mele and Fara. So here it is. On Sept 10th we were supposed to be going to Tx for a week to visit my brother in law and his family. The flights looked really bad so I went into work to get some hours. I wasn't even there an hour til Mua called saying the nurse said we had to get to the hospital. We just thought it was normal because we're always there. If not for Char then for my dad. I went home and kept trying to get a hold of Benson. Then finally goth pick up Mua and my babies. I guess the hospital had been trying to get a hold of my parents, but the number Charlene left was her cell phone that broke so they finally called my parents bishop. The bishops wife came and took them to the hospital. By the time I got to my parents house, Mua said David and Linda were on their way to the hospital. We still didn't hear from Benson. I wanted to drop Mua off then I would run and check to see if Ben was home, but Mua didn't want to go to hospital without me and I knew we couldn't be there without him. We rushed to pick him up and rushed to get to the hospital. My mom kept yelling at to hurry, but it wasn't until David's call when we knew we had to really hurry. By the time we got to the hospital and got to her floor, my mom was in the waiting room yelling at us because she was pissed we took forever. We rang the stupid bell thingy for the doors to open and we couldn't answer when the girl was asking what room we were wanting because we were crying. We walk into Char's room and David and Linda were sitting on one side of her and my dad, sister Poloa, and Loretta (bishops wife) were standing on the other. Charlene was laying there and she looked...gone (I don't know how else to explain it.) we were literally 5 minutes late. Benson and I just stopped where we were and cried very ugly. Mua said she heard us from the elevator so she knew (she went to park the car because the valet wasn't there) we cried for about 20 minutes. Then we all got on our phones and tried calling everyone so my mom didn't have to. We didn't have any of the aunties #'s so I went straight to Facebook and reactivated my acct. I know sad, but grateful for facebook at that moment. On Tuesday night, my parents were in their room trying to rest, but they couldnt sleep. I went in and laid with them and started talking. That's when my dad told me what had happened on monday. I knew a little, but he told me the rest. My dad said when he and my mom got there, there were a ton of doctors and nurses in my sister's room. One dr came out and told them that Charlene's heart had stopped and they brought her back, stopped and brought her back, stopped and brought her back. They stood and watched while my sister fought for her life. My brother and Linda got there and told him, that Charlene had basically died and they brought her back. They had already been trying almost an hour. So they joined my parents watching my sister fight. They finally got her stable and thought maybe doing dialysis would help. After ten minutes the dr came back and talked to them. David told me that the dr said they can keep trying to bring her back, but she most likely won't be Charlene. So they decided to stop. The doctors told them that they should say goodbye while she's still here. My dad told me that my mom kept telling her to wait, we were almost there. He said she took a deep breath in like she was tired. Then he told her to not wait. He told her that he knows she's tired and that we would understand if she couldn't wait. My dad said he told her that we knew she loves us and that we love her. He told her that it's ok to go. He said she took took one last breath and she went to sleep. My parents then continued to tell me about how Charlene didn't want to go to the hospital. She's always hated going even tho she needs to. But she kept telling my mom that she needed to go to church because she needed to pay her tithing. She even stayed the whole 3 hours even tho she really needed to go to the hospital. Once church was over she finally agreed to go to the hospital. I'm so grateful for her testimony and faith. My dad then started talking about his conversion to the church. He started telling me about how the missionaries taught him and how he would go with them to find and teach people. I'm so grateful for his decision to get baptized. I'm also very grateful for those missionaries testimonies. My dad was baptized, my mom grew up a member, and then had us who also grew up in the church. I'm grateful for the example my sister left not only for us, but for my babies. She loved my nieces dearly. We are truly grateful for all our families and friends who brought stuff over and came to visit us. I'm grateful for my Uncle Sene and Aunty Leslie for rushing to be with my mom and my aunts Betty, Dorothy, Angel and Suzie who decided last minute to all come right away to be by my mom's side. I'm grateful for my parents ward and friends. I'm grateful for my own wonderful and amazing friends. I'm grateful for Edris and my cousins Mua, Alysha, Kale, Earline, and Jenny for coming over and helping in the kitchen. Also grateful that my cousins, Arial, Benji and kids, Camille and Puka, Josh, Tasha and girls, and the best cook ever my Uncle He-man. We wouldn't have made it thru that week without you guys. Love you all so much. I try not to cry in front on my babies, because I dont want them to think that talking about Aunty is a bad thing. Mele now gives me a hug and kisses me whenever she sees a pic of Charlene. And she tells me its ok mommy, I miss Aunty too. Or she'll start to pretend cry because she thinks I'm crying. When my babies think of their aunt, I want them to know that Charlene loved the Lord and she showed it til her last day. I want them to know that their Aunt had faith to always pay tithing to the very end. I want them to understand that she was tried her best to the very end to live righteously. That it's not a sad thing, but a great thing to think of what examples she's left behind. I've been in such a rut, and I'm really trying to dig my way out. I know if it wasnt for having to pay my tithing, I would most likely not go. Sad, but very true. I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm not sure why I feel so stuck, but it will all work out soon. I'm so grateful for my friends who continue to check up on me. And for the Lord who continues to bless me and show me that He still loves me. I'll be me soon.